


The Heart Wants what It has to let Go

by SilverSickle30304



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Unrequited Love, is it though?, jk it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 09:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17505989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSickle30304/pseuds/SilverSickle30304
Summary: When Mike looks at Eleven, Will can see the stars in his eyes, the adoration that seeps out from him. Mike is happy, he’s loved, he’s content.So Will has to let go.





	The Heart Wants what It has to let Go

**Author's Note:**

> So, I haven't made any fics in the shows department, so I hope ya like it. I hope this piece helps me with my writers block for my other fics I've been meaning to get to, but anyways, this scene is a bit Harry Potter-Esque for those of you who find this scene a tad bit familiar. Also, I live in angst, so you know, beware.

It’s almost as if time slows down right then and there. The moment their lips touch is the exact moment Will’s overcome with something he knew was coming his way, something he hoped would never rear its head, something he knew was inevitable: heartbreak. They were kissing, Mike was kissing Eleven to be exact, and Will felt as if his whole world had come crashing down.

“You ok?” Will snaps out of his reverie, realizing he had come to an abrupt spot. He turns his head to the side, his dance partner coming into full view.

“Oh, um, y-yeah,” he finds himself stuttering. The girl shoots him a disbelieving stare, but Will can’t really find it in himself to try and convince her that he’s ok when he’s not, not when his heart feels like it’s just shattered into a million pieces.  “I’m sorry, I… I just don’t feel well right now. I’m… I’m really sorry,” Will says as he detaches from her. He feels bad just leaving her there, but it’s better than bursting into tears right in front of her, that would be embarrassing for them both. So, before he loses his composure, he turns away from her, ready to take a seat somewhere that’s not in front of _them._ His eyes are downcast as he wills himself not to look at the pair dancing contently. But he might as well be a masochist because he just can’t help but peak at them. They look happy, it’s as if they’re in their own world, oblivious to the people around them and Will feels his heart clench once more.

They’re perfect for each other.

Suddenly, the gym feels too crowded and the music feels too loud; it’s becoming far too much for Will to handle. He can’t stay in here much longer, the familiar sensation of tears prickling his eyes has become present and he high tails it out of there. He feels even worse as the seconds tick by, and it’s as if he’s walking slower and slower by the second. He swears the gym wasn’t as big as it feels now, but he manages to make it to the exit. Will doesn’t even know where he’s headed, his legs seem to have a mind of his own as he walks through the halls of the school, ultimately landing himself on the other side of the building, away from the bustle of the school dance. He can still hear the music, but it’s faint now and he feels like he can finally breathe.

He knew It was going to hurt, but not to this degree. His heart feels like it’s been teared apart, stomped on, and thrown away. But he should have known this was how it would go. There’s no happily ever after for people like him, and especially not for those who’ve been tainted by such a horrid creature. And he should have been prepared for this, this pain, this overwhelming sadness, but he’s not. And the thing is, he’s gone through so much that he’s kind of surprised he can still feel anything at all. But there he is, feeling, and he’s pretty sure he would have been better off stripped from any sort of emotions, but of course this is Will we’re talking about, and he was never really that lucky.

The Demogorgon took a lot away from him, his sense of normality- though he had a feeling he never really was long before it- his ability to walk through the woods without dread, and any sense of comfort he once had, so the least it can do is take his emotions away too, but of course he was left with it. And It almost feels as if this is the last remaining hold it has on him, the monster is gone, but it continues to torment Will through his emotions, and he feels that hold every day. Everyday he looks at the mirror and the only thing he feels is disgust, disgust because he’s tainted, he been used, tortured, and his insides have been marked, so yes, he’d love to have the ability to feel be gone, he’d love to support Mike and Eleven without feeling like a little piece of him dies every time he thinks about how good they are together.

Will waits for the tears to flow, at least that way he can feel better after crying, but the tears don’t come and it’s frustrating. He feels like such a cry baby all the time and yet the one time he feels like _wants_ to cry he comes up short.  Life is great.

It’s sounds silly to him though, he’s literally gone through hell and back and yet this is the one thing that seems to be his Achilles heel. And the thing is: he can’t bring himself to be mad at either Mike or even Eleven because they’ve done nothing wrong. Mike is just his best friend and that’s all he’ll ever be. He’s glad Mike was able to find someone like Eleven, someone who seems to love Mike just as much as he does and Will’s happy for them, he really is, but it still can’t stop that deep-down Will wishes that Eleven hadn’t come into the picture. It’s a mean thought to have and Will knows he’s letting his jealousy take the better of him, but he’s trying not to, he really is. Eleven is a nice girl, though they haven’t interacted with each other much, but from what he’s heard, she’s just what Mike needs, so Will is going to try his best to support them.

“Will?” he jumps around, relaxing a bit as he spots Lucas walking over to where Will has sat down on the steps, just in front of the entrance to the school.

“Hey, Lucas,” Will replies, trying his best not to give himself away.

“Hey man, I saw you leaving earlier. Are you alright?”

He’s worried his friends enough, he doesn’t want to be a burden to them, no matter how much they assure him that he’s not, but Wil feels the tell-tell signs of tears prickling his eyes again. Great, his body chooses now to let it out. “Yeah, but u-um, what are you doing out here though?” Will tries to change the subject, maybe he can coax Lucas to go back inside to Max, which shouldn’t be all too hard since he was pretty sure they kissed as well. 

Lucas makes his way to Will and sits right beside the other, fixing him other with a worried look.  “You didn’t look so good.”

“I-I’m fine, it’s just…” Will tries to find the words to assure his friend that everything is ok, that he’s just being silly, but he can’t say much else. He’s at a loss for words, and it only puts Lucas more on edge.

“Is it… you know?”

Will shakes his head quickly, not wanting to give Lucas a scare after they just had a life threating experience not that long ago. “It’s not t-that. I’m just being silly is all. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Lucas nods feeling a bit relieved, but he’s still worried about Will none the less. He hasn’t been the same since he’d been possessed. And yeah, maybe he wasn’t too observant with Will a first, but he’s not making that mistake again. Will is his friend as well, and he still wants to know whether the other is ok. “If it’s got you like this, then it’s not nothing. You know you can talk to me, Will. I Know we’re not really…well…” Lucas doesn’t know what to say, he cares about Will too, but he’s not really sure how to approach the other. He’s never really done so before, Mike usually got to it first.

“Look man,” Lucas sighs. “I know I’m not Mike or anything, but I’m still your friend, I can try to help you or just listen. I know you and Mike are more comfortable talking about things with each other, but I care about you too, you know?”

Will frowned listening to Lucas speak. Sure, he was closer to Mike than to the rest of the party, but he’d never meant for either Dustin or Lucas to feel like they took a backseat to Mike. That was never his intention.

“Lucas, I… I’m sorry I made you feel like that,” Will says, his voice cracking towards the end. “You’re my close friend too, I never thought of you as just another person!” The other male looks at Will’s guilty expression and smiles, trying to assure Will that he’s not mad.

“It’s ok, Will. I know you didn’t do this on purpose, it’s just something I’ve felt for a while I guess,” he responds, shrugging as the younger can only nod in understanding.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong or?” Will tenses up again, still not sure if he even wants to talk about his feelings.

Lucas watches as the younger of the two asses what to do. ‘ _I guess not’_ Lucas thinks, getting ready to stand back up, but Will speaks up.

“I’m different,” says Will as he plays with his fingers, and Lucas remains seated.  

“Different?”

“Yeah, different.”

Lucas furrows his eyebrows. He’s not sure what the other means by that, but he’ll take it. “Of course, you’re different. I mean, you haven’t exactly gone through what normal people our age does, hell, even I haven’t- And no Will, don’t apologize because it’s not your fault.”

Will sighs, holding back from his string of apologies, and there’s a moment of silence before he starts up again. “I’m _different_ in another way too.”

“In what way?”

“I… I’m not like the other boys. I don’t, um, I don’t know how to say it, but I-I’ve never really liked girls like you guys have.” Will feels his heart beat uncontrollably in his chest and he can’t find it in himself to even look at Lucas, so he ducks his head down, trying to finish what he was trying to say before the other can storm off in disgust.

“What I’m trying to say it that I-I’m…I’m,” but he can’t seem to get the words out and he feels a droplet of water hit his hands.

He’s crying.

“I…” Will tries to say but his voice breaks.

“Will,” Lucas finally says, and the shorter feels like he’s stopped breathing.  “Are you trying to say that you’re… you’re gay?”

That’s it. Those are the words he’s been trying so hard to say, and Will nods slowly. “Y-yeah, I’m gay,” he repeats. It’s then that he feels like he can release a breath of air, but his chest still feels uncomfortably tight. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know I’m disgusting, and I won’t blame you if you hate me.”

He’s waiting for the pushing, the screaming, the looks of utter disgust coming his way (not that he would be able to see them though, he’s too focused trying to keep his eyes shut) but nothing of that sort happens.

Lucas remains silent for more seconds than the other can deal with, Will’s mind starts going into the worst scenarios, panic bubbling. Had he made a drastic mistake? Would this spread? Would h-

 “Will,” Lucas finally speaks, breaking Will’s inner turmoil. “I uh… I’ve never had a friend who is gay. And well, I’ve never thought about this kind of situations before, but…”

 _But…_ Will feels his hands start to shake. Here it comes, here comes the very words he knows were going to be directed at him. _But I can’t be your friend, I don’t agree with who you are, you’re disgusting._ He’s waiting for those very words, but the other just keeps quiet and Will gets even more scared as the seconds tick by. At this point he just wants to get it over with.

Will sneaks a quick glance at Lucas, thinking that maybe the other had just decided to leave, that Will just wasn’t worth the time. But Lucas is still sitting next to Will, tilting his head to the side, looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“But all my life I’ve been berated, I’ve been treated differently because of the color of my skin. I know what it feels like to not be accepted because I’ve grown up having to face those mean insults and shitty remarks. It’s not our fault that the world doesn’t accept who we are, it’s not our fault that people see us differently. I know what you’re thinking, so don’t. and um… I’ve never met someone who’s gay, so this is new to me, but you are who you are, Will, and in the end you’re still my friend, and I don’t hate you because there’s nothing to hate”

Will stares at Lucas, lips trembling as he tries to hold in his tears, but they can’t be stopped, and he bursts into tears. Lucas wastes no time in bringing Will into a tight embrace, allowing the smaller to seek comfort in with him. Someone might find this weird, but honestly Lucas couldn’t give a shit even if he tried. 

“I-I’m not normal, t-this is n-not norm-mal,” Will sobs, clutching onto the fabric of Lucas’s shirt. “They’re a-all going to hate m-me.”

Lucas smiles sadly, “No matter who we are, there’s always going to be someone who’ll find something about us to hate, to berate, to belittle, and harm, it’s inevitable Will, trust me I know. But I want you to know that I’m not going to be one of them. I’m not going to stoop to their level of hatred just because you are who you are. There’s already so much negativity in the world, I don’t need to add on and be one of them.”

Will releases a shaky sigh, feeling a little embarrassed about his outburst, but it doesn’t last too long because he knows Lucas is sincere, he knows that he can at least turn to Lucas about this now. He shifts a little, opting to rest his head on Lucas’ shoulder and the other lets him.

They’re silent once again, but it’s not unbearable like before. Lucas stays with Will, providing comfort while Will silently cries. He kinds of feels bad for ruining the other’s shirt with his tears, but Lucas seems to be fine with it.

“He’s going to hate me,” Will whispers, too afraid to properly voice his deepest fear.

Lucas doesn’t ask who _he_ is because Lucas knows, he’s made that connection already, he made it the shortly after Will told him he was gay. And If Lucas was honest, he should have known it ages ago too, it was right in front of him. So, he doesn’t have to ask, and he has a feeling that Will doesn’t elucidate on it because he knows this too.

Lucas doesn’t respond, mainly because he doesn’t know _how_ to respond. Sure, he knows Mike loves Will, but he’s not sure if it’s the same love Will wants.

“I don’t-”

“It’s ok,” Will says, head still nestled on Lucas’ shoulder. He’d smile, but Will has a feeling they’d both know it isn’t sincere.

The doors swing open behind them, jostling Will away from his position on the other’s shoulder. It’s not like they were doing anything wrong, but Will doesn’t want people to get the wrong idea and start lumping Lucas in with Will. He’d never forgive himself.

“Will? Lucas?” the voice behind them speaks and it doesn’t take long for Will to recognize whose voice it belongs to.

“Hey, man,” Lucas says nonchalantly, lifting himself up from the steps. Will follows suit, trying not to make eye contact with Mike as they both look up at him from bellow the steps. No doubt he looks as if he’d been crying, but he doesn’t want Mike to see. In fact, he just wants Mike and Lucas to go back inside. He doesn’t want to ruin their night and especially for Lucas, he’s probably already ruined half of it with his problems. 

Mike attention drifts between Will and Lucas, furrowing his eyebrows as he tries to comprehend why they were out here alone.

“What’s…what’s going on?” Mike questions, still surveying them both. Will feels like he might just cry all over again, he doesn’t know what to say. _Oh nothing, just crying over here_ or _We were just talking about you_ no they both won’t work. What if Will gives himself away? What if-

“Just talking about the dance,” Lucas responds, meeting Will with an understanding smile and Will smiles back. It doesn’t go unnoticed my Mike.

“Will?” Mike continues.

“I’m-I’m ok, Mike.”

Mike looks at him disbelievingly, and it seems as though he won’t give up any time soon.

Mike starts on his way down the short steps to Will, stopping right in front of him. He takes one long look at smaller boy before him and cups Will’s face in his hands. Lucas, still off to the side, looks somewhere other than where his two friends are at, this moment seems too intimate for his eyes, so he just stands there, staring off awkwardly into space.

Mike continues holding onto Will’s face as he runs the pad of his thumb across the younger’s cheeks, wiping the tears away “Why are you cr-?”

“Mike?” yet another voice speaks up from the steps. Mike quickly pulls back, leaving a few feet of space between him and Will.  It’s El, and Will’s heart clenches painfully as he watches her hug one of Mike’s arms. How Will wishes that were him.

“Hey,” Mike says softly, giving El a warm smile and Will looks away.

Lucas stands there awkwardly not sure what to do, or how exactly to comfort his friend who clearly looks as if he’s trying to keep a calm pretense. In the end, they both stand there, waiting for Mike and El to do something.

“They’re playing one last song. Can we?” she asks as she looks at Mike with a smile.

“Sure El. I just need a mo-”

“No, you should go,” Will speaks up suddenly.

Mike gives Will a hurt look, and it tears Will apart, but what can he do?

“It’s the last dance,” Will continues with a small smile and a tiny shrug. “You wouldn’t want to miss it.”

“Mike?” El says, waiting for Mike’s response. The boy in question looks down at all El and gives her nod. “Okay,” he responds. El gives both Lucas and Will a friendly smile before she starts to walk back into the school, guiding Mike back inside with her with their intertwined hands.

Mike looks behind his shoulder, glancing once again between Lucas and Will, hurt in his eyes as he disappears behind the doors.

“You too, Lucas. It’s the last song.”

No matter how hard Lucas tries to stay and be there for his friend, Will insists that he go. He brings up the kiss Lucas had with Max and it doesn’t take long to coax him back in after that. Will assures Lucas he’ll be fine before the other goes back inside, leaving Will outside by the steps.

Will sits back down, hearing the faint flow of the music from inside. He looks down as his hand reaches down to trace his finger around the cracks of the floor. Tear drops roll down his eyes and into the payment between the cracks. He lets out a shaky sigh as he pictures just how Mike and El are looking at each other with so much love in their eyes as they dance together, just like when he had left earlier. _He_ wants to be the one dancing with Mike, _he_ wants to be the one to be looked at with so much love and adoration, but the world is one cruel joke, and Will’s at the center of it. Mike looks happier then he’s ever been these past few months. When Mike looks at Eleven, Will can see the stars in his eyes, the adoration that seeps out from him. Mike is happy, he’s loved, he’s content.

So Will has to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
